


living in this universe is hard, but loving you is easy.

by rashomvn



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Comfort, Fluff, M/M, Parallel Universes, Pro Volleyball Player Sakusa Kiyoomi, Romantic Fluff, Sakusa Kiyoomi is Bad at Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-15
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-23 14:21:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30056820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rashomvn/pseuds/rashomvn
Summary: a journey through the memories of sakusa kiyoomi, the boy who hated the universe in which he was born, and miya atsumu, the one who always laughed, and how the two found love.orjust sakusa telling us about the love of his life <3
Relationships: Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi
Kudos: 17





	living in this universe is hard, but loving you is easy.

**Author's Note:**

> a/n: this is BAD i know, i know. english in not my first language and i'm sure i made a lot of mistakes but i hope you can still enjoy this lil soft thing i wrote some time ago <3 
> 
> \- tris :]

sakusa kiyoomi genuinely believed that, scattered throughout the universe, there were infinite worlds in which infinite different events occurred. he liked to think that perhaps, in another reality, his faults were his strengths and the people who looked at him up and down were his friends; not that kiyoomi needed them, but maybe in another world he was surrounded by people who could understand, love, appreciate him. 

the main reason for this fantasizing on parallel worlds was that he didn't really like the one into he was born. 

looking around, he saw nothing but rambling pieces of things already created and seen by others, he never saw anything that attracted him, nothing in which he could represent himself. he happened to find something slightly more beautiful, sometimes, but since it was only a brief moment, caused by unreasonable and unrepeatable actions and movements, it had no meaning for him and it always ended up boring him.

atsumu was an exception, however.  
since the first moment they were close, kiyoomi looked at him him like that: in the midst of the infinity of his thoughts, even when he seemed to be taken by something else, atsumu always kept his place inside his head. initially he didn't know how to explain it, he didn't even want to try to do that because it seemed pointless and well, impossible: he was convinced that they would forever be far, that atsumu would continue, without problems, to build his happy life that kiyoomi wouldn't be part of, and give a name to what atsumu was becoming would only fill him with false and futile hopes.

as the months went on, no matter how hard he tried, he could never completely separate himself from the blond, and that idea of "exception" that he had of him took a more and more definited shape. despite not understanding what exactly was happening between them two, something kept pushing him towards him, wanting to hear him yell at anyone in his kansai dialect through the phone, wanting to see him even outside of the volleyball training, wanting to talk to him, even if kiyoomi was basically a scared and i introverted person and had a hard time opening up with others and keeping up a conversation. however, he could listen to atsumu talking about anything for hours, but he would never admit that to the blond boy.

in his fantasies, their thoughts matched and atsumu could read his mind. he wondered if, in the chaos of all the people who filled and confused his days, he still kept a little light on for him, if in his heart he kept those feelings that he had not been able to reveal. and this idea did not seem so wrong to him, in fact atsumu had never, not even a single time, said or done something that made him suffer, or put him in an uncomfortable situation.

why was he always hurt by a tightening in the chest when atsumu spent time with someone else? why did it bother him so much that he couldn't do more for him? kiyoomi only thought of himself and had no interest in caring for others. so why, as much as he tried to be angry with atsumu, he missed him and that feeling became more painful, and the need of having him close became more and more urgent and pressed against his chest?

he wanted to feel important. he wanted to be the only object of his attention, he wanted a special relevance, he wanted to stop staring at him from afar, because being nobody to him frustrated kiyoomi enormously but he didn't know how he could change things without causing a storm.

but that wasn't what interested him the most. it was probably just his imagination, that fuck, made fun of him by playing with his feelings and confusing his already confused thoughts, yet he really felt like he had known atsumu since forever. 

he somehow knew when atsumu was down, when he was confused, when he was angry, when he was disappointed, when he was sad. what he wanted most was to combine all the information he had learn about him and find the perfect way to make him feel fine, for real. because kiyoomi knew atsumu was a strong person, the kind of guy who smiled even when he was hurt and always found a way to turn a heavy and painful situation into a fun one – that's why no one was able to sense his true state of mind.  
kiyoomi only wanted this. and atsumu could also make fun of him, answer him badly, turn away from him, but nothing would change. he constantly missed him, even though he didn't understand it, and he had no idea why he did. 

in reality, he had always liked him so much. he had always looked at him like he had never looked at anyone before, he had suddenly fallen in love with him and then continued to do so, slowly, silently, and from afar.

he was angry. angry because he didn't understand if he and atsumu were just playing and because those feelings he had, blocked him in an uncomfortable situation from which he was convinced that, to get out of it, someone would get hurt.

he was insecure, because in that world he felt lonely as never before, despite being a professional volleyball player and being surrounded by countless people of all kinds. he thinked of himself as a black hole filled with negativity and bad luck.

he was scared, because he didn't know what to do and how to live with those feelings that had nestled more firmly in his chest every day, especially when he was close to atsumu.

and, instead, the impossible had happened, because one day atsumu texted him saying that he wanted to speak with him urgently and timidly confessed aloud what kiyoomi had been shouting for months, without being brave enough to actually open his mouth. 

and for some inexplicable reason he trusted him, sincerely and without any malice. he didn't hesitate, and finally had no doubts about the desire to have him next to him and to want to be happy together. for the first time in his life he thought he had done the right thing, something that would make him happy, and he suddenly began to love his world that started to take color, because atsumu was there, and he wouldn't leave.

kiyoomi wasn't very good at expressing himself, but in his heart he would continued to thank atsumu forever: for the words he had dedicated to him when he was shaken by a thousand worries, for the sincere smiles he had granted him, for the time and patience he had spent trying to comfort him and make him smile when that world became too heavy to carry that weight alone.

if it wasn't for atsumu, who knows how he would have lived. probably one day he would definitely had stopped talking. if it wasn't for atsumu, he had the feeling that he would completely lose hope and would have return to what he once was, nothing more than a child scared and disgusted by everything. if it wasn't for atsumu he would never have been able to fall in love, to have an immense feeling different from hatred or despair.

kiyoomi would like to thank him for every day, for every night, for every laugh, for every shiver, for every stifled thrill he had caused just by being himself. he couldn't help but want him close, take his face in his hands and kiss every corner of his skin. caress his cheeks and make their lips collide, taste the flavor and do it with attention. hold him tight and discover all the ways his body can melt with atsumu's. look him in the eyes and repeat endlessly how beautiful he always is. be close to him every day and show him that there is no need to change anything, that to kiyoomi he's always perfect, in his bad days as well as in the happy ones.

kiyoomi loves every little part of atsumu, the ones he knew when they first spoke, the ones that are no longer there, the ones that are visible now and the ones that atsumu still can't accept, the ones that still have to come out, those that reassure, those that warm, those that made him smile, those that worry, those that scare, those that hurt: all of them, from the first to the last.

“being yourself is enough, that's all i need. never change for others, stay true to yourself even when you don't understand yourself at all and i'll be there, forever on your side. i promise you. even if you get tired of me, even if you want to leave me behind, even if you stop thinking about me, i promise i will always stay by your side. i wanna be next to you in the right way; thanks for making me the best version of me. talk to me, okay?  
i'll always listen to you and i'll always trust you. remember this, especially when everyone around you betrays your trust and you feel alone. i'm always with you. for me you'll always be the only exception, in this world and in the others as well.

i'm glad i showed you my heart, atsumu.  
and i am even more so for having the opportunity to offer you my soul.


End file.
